


Judas

by Zephyros22



Category: Zombies Run!
Genre: AU, Angst, F/F, F/M, Gen, Spoilers for Season 2, manipulative relationhips, this is not a happy fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-26
Updated: 2015-11-26
Packaged: 2018-05-03 10:58:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5288102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zephyros22/pseuds/Zephyros22
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>And suddenly, you knew. You knew that she carried a much larger burden than yours. Though you could not see it, you could tell from the sag of her shoulders and the lines drawn in her face that she too, had been torn. The monster that resided in you had long since devoured her alive, and she had gone willingly. If your number was tainted in blood, then she was drowning in an ocean tinted red.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Judas

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Thanksgiving I guess. Here's some Sara/Five angst . Enjoy

You've known for a while now that Sara was the traitor.

It didn't take much to find out, she did confess with gun to the small of your back, anyways. You can still recall the sudden feeling of ice coursing through your veins, the ringing in your ears for hours afterward. Sara wouldn't do something like this, you thought. Runner Eight, brash and mysterious as she was, would never betray her township. Despite her misgivings, she had allegiances where they were due. Apparently, however, they were due elsewhere.

You never would have imagined her working with Van Ark. You didn't want to believe it, of course, but everything slowly fell into place. The long afternoon runs, the way she already knew what was going on, her confidence in any encounter. Sara was difficult to read, but you couldn't help but notice small things that only supported her preposterous claim.

You should have gone to the Major. You should have told Janine, Sam, anybody that would listen. God knew you wanted to scream at the top of your lungs that Abel was living in the shadow of a traitor, that they were all in constant danger. But Sara knew how to press all your buttons, whispering in the shell of your ear about the terrible, terrible things she would do to Sam, to Janine, to Maxine and Jack and Jody and everyone of your friends. You weren't afraid for yourself. You'd survived worse and you knew you could hold on so much longer, but the threat of everyone else's lives made your head spin. You knew she could do it. You had watched Sara do the exact things she'd described. Blood and fear shrouded the edges of your thoughts.

So with the lives of your friends hanging in the balance, and a gun to your back, you had silently sworn yourself to secrecy. It was then you knew your number had been marked with a death sentence.

If you had any change in your demeanor, Sam and Maxine didn't mention it. You were always quiet to begin with, but the weight of silence weighed heavily upon you. You were almost afraid that if you spoke, if you so much said Sara's name, that your friends would collapse in front of your eyes. 

Sara knew how to keep you in check. Sweet names, simple smiles, small gestures that would leave goosebumps on your skin... You couldn't recall the last time you felt _safe_. 

Except it was so much more than that. 

You couldn't deny your feelings for Sara, even after she had spilled her secret to you. She was commanding, an imposing presence that left you breathless and reeling. You worked in tandem, a duo that could read each other's movements and adjust accordingly. The way you ran, the way you moved and fought mimicked each other in small ways only you would notice. There was some sort of unconscious understanding between you two you couldn't deny or explain. 

It was obvious Sara realized it too, in her own way. Her fleeting touches were purposeful, tracing lines of taut muscle and leaving tremors in their wake. You could hear it in her voice, the way her tone went soft and low when you two were alone. The way she stood next to you was almost dominative, as if to let others know you were hers. 

Her approaches were calculated, precise and planned. She knew exactly when and where to strike. Whether it was behind the barracks in the silent moments before lights out, or on a run where Sam's camera's didn't reach. Her grazes and caresses left you intoxicated, dizzy with conflict and desire. You didn't exactly reject her advances, but you knew that there was something so horribly sinister about the entire thing. 

You knew she felt remorse sometimes. 

In the dark hours before dawn, where you two would lie together in the quiet stillness of morning, you could feel it in her skin, on her breath. You could tell it from the way she touched you, the way she curled around you almost protectively. She too, was torn. Torn not only between desire and determination, but between loyalty and conscience. Her words hinted at regret, but she was never the type to say so outright. You knew she had made her decision. And you had made yours, even if you hated yourself for it.

You wanted so desperately to tell someone, anyone about all the horrible things Sara had done and would do. You could feel the weight of her secret pressing down on your chest, crushing your ribs and forcing the air from your body. The oath you had sworn to Abel had long since been tarnished with your betrayal, and the purity of your heart darkened with Sara's smile.

She pressed gentle endearments into your hair, embraces that left you shivering in your madness. The burden of your friend's lives, the secret held in Sara's grasp, the gentle and silky words she whispered to you in the dark of the night haunted your thoughts. You had a monster eating you from the inside out, threatening to tear you to pieces and leave you for dead. But Sara's embraces held you close in a comfort you could only find with her. 

You couldn't betray Abel

You had to save your friends

You couldn't leave Sara

You had to save her from herself

You couldn't keep doing this

and eventually, under the shadows of early dawn, you collapsed. 

You screamed to her, clutching the back of her runner's jersey in your fingers. Her number was twisted underneath your hands, contorted by your horrible sins. 

She stood facing away from you, looking towards something you couldn't see, but listening to your cries. She held herself stiff and immovable, fists clenching at her sides. 

You wailed your grief to her, crying for repentance, asking her above all _why?_ Why did she deceive you? Why did she bring you into her tangled web of lies? How could she live with herself? How were you supposed to carry on?

'Please' you begged. 'Stop this madness.'

You wanted something, anything. An assurance or a lie about how it was 'going to be alright'. You couldn't bear to hear the truth in her words.

"You know there's no longer any turning back, Five." Her voice was weary, tinged with fatigue and bitter regret. And suddenly, you knew. You knew that she carried a much larger burden than yours. Though you could not see it, you could tell from the sag of her shoulders and the lines drawn in her face that she too, had been torn. The monster that resided in you had long since devoured her alive, and she had gone willingly. If your number was tainted in blood, then she was drowning in an ocean tinted red. She no longer had a choice.

So it was with a small, firm squeeze of her hand that she walked towards the gates leading outside of Abel. With each step she took she strode a little farther away from her path of light, wandering into deep darkness that seemed to consume her entire being. She was already dead, and she knew it. Yet she continued on, for reasons you yourself could not begin to comprehend. 

And after what seemed like a century if silence, waiting for the redemption you knew would never come, you followed.

And you always would.


End file.
